Look Into My Eyes
by FairytaleOfNewDork
Summary: Santana is leaving tomorrow. Santana is leaving and it feels like she's taking a part of Brittany with her. The night before Santana leaves, Santana comes to Brittany's house to say goodbye to find Brittany crying, wishing Santana to stay but knowing in her heart that she has to go... Brittana. Inspired by the song Demons by Imagine Dragons.


**_"When you feel my heat,  
look into my eyes,  
it's where my demons hide,  
it's where my demons hide.  
Don't get too close,  
it's dark inside,  
it's where my demons hide,  
it's where my demons hide."_**

_ – 'Demons', Imagine Dragons_

Santana is leaving tomorrow. Santana is leaving and it feels like she's taking a part of Brittany with her.

Santana is taking Brittany's heart with her.

She doesn't think she'll be able to live without Santana. She won't be able to breathe; she won't be able to face the world alone like that. She won't want to. She needs Santana, even if Santana doesn't need her. She needs Santana more than anything else in the world. Pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes roughly, she refuses to allow herself to cry. She can't cry. She won't. Brittany promised Santana she wouldn't cry, no matter how much she wants to, because crying makes Santana upset and Brittany doesn't want Santana to be upset, not even when she feels like such a mess inside herself. She falls on her side, lying on her bed with her knees pulled up to her chest. She can already feel the tears and hates herself for it.

She wants to cry, to scream, to sob, but it's all trapped in her chest and she thinks if she starts she'll never be able to stop, and she'll choke on her own sobs and that'll just make it all worse. Santana is leaving, leaving everyone she really loves, even if she'd never admit it, to go somewhere new and scary all alone. Brittany should be being strong for Santana, because Santana is the one that's going to be alone.

But why does Brittany feel betrayed, even though she knows this was all her idea? Even though she wants nothing more than the best for Santana?

When she hears a gentle knock she sits up abruptly, wiping some of the tears she couldn't contain. She chokes out a quiet, "Come i-in" her voice wavering. Pathetic. The handle turns slowly, and then the door is pushed open and brown eyes immediately meet Brittany's.

"Oh Brittany…" Santana breathes, and then she's crawling onto the bed next to Brittany, and her hands find Brittany's cheeks holding her still, inspecting her red, slightly puffy, eyes, wet with unshed tears, and her quivering lower lip and her blotchy red cheeks. Brittany doesn't meet Santana's eyes, because she knows if she does Santana will see the demons, the torment in them, begging Santana not to leave her.

"I wasn't expecting you." Brittany mumbles instead, her voice still weak and trembling, looking everywhere but at Santana. When Santana says nothing, she spares a glance and wishes she hadn't. Santana has pursed her lips, and her deep dark eyes are searching Brittany's face with such a look of guilt and sorrow that Brittany's heart feels like it's been forcefully ripped from her chest for not the first time in the last few months.

Brittany can see Santana's own demons when she looks into Santana's eyes.

She wants to say something, anything, but there aren't any words, and seeing Santana and knowing this could be the last time she sees her makes Brittany feel awfully small and insignificant in the big grand scheme of life. A sob is wrenched from her lungs and Santana's whole face turns impossibly sadder, her eyebrows scrunched up as she bites on her lower lip, worry written all over her face. Her thumbs stroke Brittany's cheeks soothingly, and all of the stored up torment Brittany has been desperately trying to ignore comes tumbling out.

"Don't go!" She sobs, and the tears flow freely and Santana just looks at her lost. Brittany clutches at the bottom of Santana's shirt, fisting the material into her hands just above her stomach, and holding on for dear life. At her words Santana lets out a large breathy sigh, but then she's inhaling sharply and she looks physically pained by the emotions running through her. Brittany is making her Santana hurt inside.

"P-please don't leave me San. Don't go. Please don't go." Brittany's voice fills with hiccupping sobs and she hates herself. Santana needs to go, and then she can do whatever she wants to do and it'll be _so good _for her. Santana can't turn this down.

"Is that what you really want?" Santana asks quietly and she looks completely torn. Brittany knows Santana wouldn't go if she really wanted that. She knows Santana would drop anything and everything for her. To stay with her in crappy Lima, waiting for her to graduate even though Brittany knows she's not clever enough and she's going to be stuck here forever. Santana is better than that, she's better and she has to go. Brittany sobs louder.

"No!" and then she's wailing pathetically and Santana has tear drops caught in her eyelashes ready to fall, and Brittany wishes she wasn't so stupid because then this wouldn't be happening at all. "Y-you have to, I just- I don't- _Santana!" _She cries and the ache in her chest makes her feel like she's definitely going to drop dead any minute from a heart attack, because she loves Santana so damn much and she wonders if maybe her heart is bleeding because it's always been connected to Santana's and now they're being ripped apart.

"I love you." Santana whispers, her thumbs still stroking Brittany's cheeks, catching her tears. Brittany just continues crying, moving her hand onto one of Santana's and leaning into it, never wanting to forget the feel of Santana's gentle hands just holding her. Santana holds on more firmly, pulling Brittany's face up so their eyes meet.

_"I love you."_

She says it so honestly, so full of completely real, unabashed love that Brittany can feel herself breaking all over again. Santana eyes flicker between Brittany's, looking into Brittany so intimately; Brittany can't help but let out a love-sick sigh. She says it again, and her voice cracks halfway through and Brittany understands just how much Santana means it. She nods into Santana's palms, and then she can't take it anymore. Suddenly their lips have connected for a hard, slow kiss, and Santana is still mumbling clumsily against her lips "I love you. I love you, I love you, I _love_ you."

Brittany's hands tangle in Santana's hair, and she kisses her, making sure Santana understands how much she understands, how much she reciprocates those feelings. She can barely breathe for the sobs still trapped in her lungs so she just replies with small nods when Santana pulls away mere millimetres to whisper soft nothings against Brittany's lips, and by responding with as much love as she can to Santana's slow soft kisses.

Santana pushes Brittany backwards gently, and she falls back, looking up at Santana. Santana crawls closer, until she's leaning over Brittany from the side. She takes a minute to regain some air in her lungs, and her eyes never leave Brittany's. Brittany's eyes don't leave Santana's either, and they sit there, connected by some sort of otherworldly power, looking into the depths of each other, taking each other in. Santana leans on one hand, her other rising to push back Brittany's hair. She tucks the strand behind her ear before stroking her cheek and removing the last of wet tear tracks. She looks at her in such adoration Brittany can feel herself melting. She doesn't want this to end. She never wants it to end. She wants to freeze this moment forever and never leave.

Santana leans forward until their foreheads are touching, and Brittany feels herself rise to meet Santana's body, before the weight of Santana is pushing her back into the bed. They watch each other silently, and then Santana's lips linger so close to Brittany's, inhaling when Brittany exhales and Brittany feels a level of connection to Santana she's never felt before. They've always been connected; they've always had a close bond that they could never explain. This feels deeper, somehow. Brittany feels an inexplicable calmness wash over her.

Santana's body has melted into Brittany's, and they stay like that for a while, just breathing close to each other and taking each other in, their bodies pressed up, close but at the same time never quite close enough. Santana's fingers play with her hair, and Brittany wraps her arms around Santana's slim waist, keeping her close. Santana's eyes reluctantly leave Brittany's to follow the curve of Brittany's face, to take in her skin with its scattering of freckles, to memorize the shape of Brittany's lips.

"I- your parents have gone to Breadstix… we're alone." Santana murmurs, her eyes returning to bright blue orbs. Brittany frowns a little. She didn't know about that. Santana kisses her frown, removing it from her face. A light blush sinks into her skin, as she admits, "I offered them the money to go because I wanted to be with you. Alone, that is." Her voice is quiet, and immediately Brittany's mind goes to the idea that her parents have borrowed money from Santana. "You didn't-" Brittany starts, because she hates borrowing money from Santana, and Santana knows it.

Santana quickly kisses her to silence her, and she tries her best to not let Santana see how much the idea bothers her. Santana should be saving up, not giving away money, and especially not to Brittany's family.

"No, they wouldn't take it. But they understood." She gives Brittany a small, soft smile that looks somehow sad. Brittany understands too. This is probably the last time they're going to be able to be together like this for a long while. Brittany's heart aches in her chest again. Santana must know because she kisses her, soft and gentle, her lips brushing Brittany's just barely as she pulls away. They do that for a while, trading soft kisses, and bumping their noses together gently. Santana gives her another soft kiss and when she pulls away she immediately leans back in and Brittany's breath hitches because she loves when Santana surprises her with kisses she's not expecting- but then she stops short and instead of kissing her, she rubs her nose gently against Brittany's. Brittany can't help it. She feels a giggle bubble up from within her chest.

Santana pulls away and looks at her warmly. Brittany feels like a million butterflies have just erupted into life in her stomach, fluttering around inside of her. Her heart feels like it's full of helium, rising up inside of her. Santana is looking at her like she's the only person in the world that matters.

Brittany quickly clutches at the back of Santana's neck and kissing her with as much force as she can muster. Santana gasps, surprised, and Brittany opens her mouth in return, gently sucking on Santana's full lower lip, causing Santana to let out a breathy sigh. She pushes back against Brittany, kissing her hard before quickly pulling away, her hands keeping Brittany pinned back on the bed. Brittany looks at her quizzically, noting her flushed cheeks and the way her chest rises and falls. She's already slightly out of breath.

"Sorry." Santana whispers, smiling shyly. Brittany relaxes at that. She's still curious towards Santana's reaction so she waits, her hand rising to play with Santana's fingers at her shoulder.

She looks into Santana's warm eyes as they watched her, soft again. "What is it?" Brittany murmurs, lifting Santana's hand to kiss her open palm softly. Santana smiles and it reaches her eyes as she watches fondly. When Brittany didn't get a reply she scraped her teeth over the heel of Santana's hand. "Hey!" She chastised, laughing, trying to pull her hand back but having no such luck. Brittany held Santana's wrist firmly in her own. "Tell me!" she said with a grin, smiling into Santana's palm before kissing where her teeth had grazed as apology.

"Britt-Britt…" Santana started hesitantly and her smile faltered. Brittany watched her curiously. Santana didn't continue, so Brittany nudged her. "Go on." She murmured. Santana was having difficulty saying something, and the more she waited, the more Brittany started to worry.

"I- I was-" She shook her head and looked away taking a breath before meeting Brittany's eyes. "It's stupid."

"Nothing you say could ever be stupid San."

"I-Britt, I…" Brittany leans in and kisses Santana softly and when she leans away she only puts enough space between them to gently whisper against Santana's lips, "Tell me what's on your mind…" Santana hums happily slightly distracted, and she keeps her eyes closed afraid of Brittany's reaction. She can feel Brittany's breath on her lips teasing her, so she whispers back.

"Can I make love to you, Brittany?"

***  
**Hmm. So I'm going to see what you guys think because honestly, listening to the song Demons by Imagine Dragons pushed this into my head. (I didn't title it "Demons" cause I figured that'd put a bunch of people off it immediately! :P) **

**I had a whole like, video inside my head for this to go along with that damn amazing song. I'm not sure whether to continue because I haven't written anything but fluffy one-shots so far, and obviously this would not be a fluffy one-shot. ** **A part of me wants to add another chapter to see if maybe I can do justice to what my imagination see's when hearing this song. But another part of me is afraid of ruining it because I think it's alright as it stands… **

**Sorry for any mistakes because I don't have a beta and I'm sort of lazy so even if I skim through it three times I don't really notice mistakes… My bad. Also I keep forgetting to add Disclaimers! SO my disclaimer is thus: You honestly think if these were my characters I'd be sitting in my room late at night writing (awfully written) one shots and pathetic fluffy ideas? Nope these characters are not mine. If they were I'd probably give them all the plotlines in Glee and treat them a whole lot better than they currently are…**

**Anyway, please review and tell me what you think/if you want more!**

**-Madi x**


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